Great joy we get from stories told
Of damsels sweet and fighters bold
Of glories past and futures bright
Of mysterious things we drank last night
The Bard of the Mists gave a mission
And with Their Highnesses kind permission
For I think my tale is truly mightier
I share the tale of a newbie fighter

Armor made and armor bought
Leather cut and rivets fought
The day had come, his helm was in
He took a look, ugly as sin!
But it mattered not, he had a helm
From E-Bay, that mystical realm
Pride filled his heart, tears filled his eyes
“Wait until I show the guys!”

The marshall took one look and said,
“How much do you like your head?”
The fighter frothed in such a rage
The fighters helm was 18 gauge.
He then went home and got online
“Maybe I’ll read the rules this time.”
Knowledge gained for money lost
Expensive be but worth the cost.

With the help of a lord most kind
He made a helm and got it lined
His kit complete, he was all set
All the minimum standards met
He approached the King with large round eyes
Can you get me authorized?
The King smiled kindly, as Kings will do
The Earl Marshall there, he’ll help you.

With sweaty palms and shaky knees
He asks, “Can you help me please?”
Questions asked and answers made
His brain feels like its been filleted
He’d read the rules, he really did
Nothing would stop his fighter card bid.
So, think youre due to get your card
Tell me now, have you practiced hard?

Our fighter said, With all my might!
Good, you get to fight a Knight.
He sucked it up, he would be strong
He’s wanted this for so long
He tried some shots and block a few
They complimented the shots he threw
A snap, a wrap, a molinet
These shots he will perfect someday

Fightings done, its time to talk
The Knight and Marshall went for a walk
They came back with smiles on their faces
Having put him through his paces
Congradulations, a card you’ve got
Bruises and pain are now your lot
A fighters card, perfect and green
The likes of which hes never seen

Because it was his very own
Not Bob or Dans and not Mahone
Some words from his lady this day
“Let none take this joy away,
For soon you’ll earn your own renown
You’ll fight for me next week in Crown!”
I say this now against my wages,
Dames are pushy in these Current Middle Ages

Before he knew, a week gone by
He practiced hard, tried not to die
Court and Invocation done
Now was time to have some fun
As a familiar call to join the fray
As a herald belts out MELEE!
All gathered round, saluted their foes
A marshall calls Lay On! And anything goes

He approached a Squire who took his leg
And then beat him like a tent peg
First round was here, he went to field Vert
He challenged a Duke, this is gonna hurt
The fight lasted longer than have should
The fighter threw as much as he could
A single shot was what the Duke would need
To have the fighter sway like a reed

He spun around in a pirouette
Before his head and the ground met
He wouldn’t beat the Duke, this he could tell
But at least he knew that he could die well
The second round did come at last
He’d fight his friend and have a blast
He donned his helm, shield and sword
He salutes his friend “Fight well, my lord”

In the second round of the list
You know the rest, you get the gist
They saluted Crown, consort and foe
The marshalls asked if they were ready to go
They nodded both, their faces bright
All they wanted was to fight
Fight well you both, have lots of fun
For honor and chivalry, Lay On!

They both charged hard, smashing the other
Laughing joyously as they fought their brother
And then it fell like a bolt from above
No peace for him, no sacred dove
A telling blow upon his head
He salutes his foe and falls down dead
Two and out, his tourney done
For another this Crown is won

His head, its ringing like a bell
He hugs his friend, wishing him well
He walks off the field and drops his gear
His love rushes him with a look of fear
For the glint in his eyes they are so pained
He thinks this day nothing was gained
He wanted so, to further her name
He thinks he failed, and suffers the shame

She hugs him tight and into his ear
She tells him things to allay his fear
He did fight well, he held nothing back
And pride in him she did not lack
She asked him to fight and he did this task
There was nothing more that she could ask
Except one thing as she patted his head
Take a shower before coming to bed